The incoherent ramblings of a mentally ill Human
18
Dec
2014

My Recovery Secret – Have a Purpose in Life

by Jason
 28

I just have to say: I haven’t felt this good in years. It seems as if everything is coming together for me. I am feeling so incredibly positive and motivated. The crazy thing is; I know my medication isn’t working very well. I still feel the depression and anxiety at the edges of my consciousness, trying to push their way back in. I can feel the paranoia trying to tell me that these good times are only temporary, that everything will crumble eventually. But, guess what? The positive energy I […]

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9
Dec
2014

More About My Projects: Our Elegant Minds and BigHeadBoy Media

by Jason
 60

In July, I started my own business, BigHeadBoy Media, LLC and I knew my passion would be to create websites and communities to help the mentally ill. I have already started one project, Our Elegant Minds, and have ideas for future ones after I get this one a bit more established. Our Elegant Minds OurElegantMinds.com is going to be a community for people with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder and the people who support them. In March I am running a funding campaign on Indiegogo.com to raise money to get this […]

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5
Dec
2014

Typhoon Hagupit(Ruby): We May Be Spared!

by Jason
 70

12.06.2014 – 3:30am Philippine Time There is a haze over the full moon as the clouds from typhoon Hagupit(Ruby) move in. I look on it with hope and not a harbinger of doom because I think the worst of it is going to miss us. You can see from the map that the track is just north of us: We may get some rain and wind, but hopefully no damage. It is a slow typhoon, so the effects will hang around for days, not hours. I feel bad for the […]

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4
Dec
2014

Super Typhoon Ruby: And So It Begins

by Jason
 88

12.05.2014 – 2:30am Philippine Time I think we are okay, but still doing last-minute preparations for this weekend and the arrival of Ruby. You never think you are prepared enough. This was just on my Facebook newsfeed: MANILA – Typhoon Ruby (international code name Ruby) has gotten stronger and is now packing 205 kph winds as of 4 pm., according to weather bureau PAGASA. PAGASA OIC Vicente Malano said the typhoon has also gotten slower and will make landfall on Saturday afternoon. We are expecting the worst. Thankfully, we are […]

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27
Nov
2014

Me Saying Important Stuff

by Jason
 95

No Thanksgiving in the Philippines; not a turkey to be found. I almost got arrested chasing a skinny chicken down the road with a fork and knife. Besides that unfortunate incident, I seem to be doing well. I can’t seem to find anything to complain about. Just the normal depression and anxiety I have come to expect every day. It never changes. At least I have the fact that I might get on some decent medication in a month or so when I get back to the US. And therapy. […]

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24
Nov
2014

You’ve Lost That Blogging Feeling

by Jason
 117

Well, well, well…he finally decided to come crawling back and write something in his lonely blog. I’m sorry folks…took a little break from blogging. Hope I didn’t lose too many of you. Why I Took a Break There were a number of reasons. One: I just haven’t felt inspired or motivated to write recently. Two: I have been very busy getting my business together and am finding it hard to make time for writing. I know, I know, I should make time. After all, isn’t blogging my therapy? There are […]

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14
Oct
2014

Living Schizoaffective – Hope Conquers All

by Jason
 225

You’ve probably noticed I haven’t been writing as much recently as I used to. But, it’s not what you think. Perhaps it’s just the opposite. I haven’t been feeling horrible and not able to write. I’ve actually been feeling pretty good. Because of this, I have been working more and more on my mysterious “project” I’ve been talking about for a while. It’s still early on in the process, so I don’t want to divulge too much about it because there are relationships I am trying to build that I […]

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3
Oct
2014

I Made a Mistake – Now I’m Paying For It

by Jason
 265    2

10.3.2014 5:00AM, Philippine Time Well, another thing on the list of stupidity I’ve done. We ran low on money, so I cut my anti-psychotic in half. I have been on that dosage for about a week. Now I feel like I have the flu. Every time I mess around with my medications, I get these same symptoms. Mostly body aches and stomach problems. Thankfully, I get my check tonight and can buy some more pills. I don’t really know why I always do this to myself. I should have planned […]

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2
Oct
2014

I’ve Been Better, But I’ve Also Been Worse

by Jason
 218

Yesterday was not a bad day, but it was also not good. Depression was hanging over me like a wet blanket and the anxiety was gurgling in my stomach all day. So far, I haven’t heard any voices or had any strange delusions, so the psychosis seems to be staying away for now. Early in the morning, I had a breakthrough in one of the projects I am work on, and it was keeping me alert for most of the day. I get a little adrenaline rush when I’m thinking […]

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26
Sep
2014

Depression, Anxiety, Concentration and Motivation

by Jason
 264

Since the last time I posted, things have gone downhill just a bit. Depression has gotten worse, anxiety has increased ten-fold and I’ve lost my concentration and motivation. I thought I would try to break up some of the tension by writing for a while in my favorite place. It’s amazing to me how, when you have a mental illness, you can be on top of the world one minute, then down in the dumps the next. Things turn so quickly, it’s hard to keep up with it. It’s so […]

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23
Sep
2014

Schizoaffective Disorder is Losing the Battle

by Jason
 252

If you’ve read any of my blog from the last few months you know I have been fighting a battle with Depressive-Type Schizoaffective Disorder. Sad to say, it’s been winning most of the time. But these past few weeks have given me hope that maybe one day I will be free, and I won’t have to deal with it anymore. I have been feeling good; really good. The last three weeks have given me a whole new perspective on things, and even if I relapse soon, I know I can […]

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19
Sep
2014

Just Not Feelin’ It – Depression That Is!

by Jason
 201

Hi everybody! Sorry I’ve been gone for so long but my schedule has been very full as of late. Changing My Life The reason I’ve been so busy is that I have been feeling so much better these days. I took someone’s advice and started doing research on the internet about naturally treating depression, and I have to say my eyes have been opened. I’ve drastically changed the way I live: no sugar or processed foods, been eating more proteins and foods with Omega-3’s, cut back on my caffeine and […]

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30
Aug
2014

Anger Management: Things Have Gotten So Much Better

by Jason
 234    1

I’ve been talking a lot with other men about how they are being treated by their wives, and it makes me look back just a few short months ago at how my relationship with my own wife was faring. My wife was angry all the time and often took it out on me. It had gotten so bad that I thought we may soon be splitting up. She just didn’t seem happy, and her bouts of extreme rage were really starting to affect me in a bad way. It seemed […]

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26
Aug
2014

Alive and Kicking: It’s Been a Very Busy Week

by Jason
 276    3

You may be wondering why I haven’t written anything in a while. Then again, looking at my traffic numbers, no one may be wondering. Either way, I’ve been very busy and I let my little blog fall by the wayside. I do have a few very good reasons for not writing sooner. Reason Number 1: I Haven’t Been Well Physically and emotionally, I’ve been a wreck. I started off the week depressed and anxious and I thought I was getting the flu because I was having terrible body aches. I […]

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20
Aug
2014

Keeping Busy is Helping my Schizoaffective Disorder

by Jason
 261

The past few weeks have been fairly awful for me. Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and psychosis have been tearing my mind apart without letup. I felt like I was walking down a dark tunnel with no light at the end. But things are starting to change for me just a little bit. Yes, I still have depression and anxiety, but I stopped hearing voices and being so paranoid and the racing thoughts have calmed a bit where I can concentrate a little. What Made the Change for the Better? I […]

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16
Aug
2014

There is a Monster in My Mind

by Jason
 375    4

It only feels like it’s getting worse. The pissed-off monster inside my head won’t go away. It’s eating all the positive and shitting out negative all over the inside of my mind. This monster has a name: Schizoaffective Disorder. This monster only laughs at my attempts to make it go away. Medication, self-love and downright pleading for it to go away only make it happier to settle in and make itself at home. It’s been there all along, but only now it has decided to make mayhem and drive me […]

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14
Aug
2014

I Need to Make a Decision About My Mental Health, But it’s a Tough One

by Jason
 428    7

If you’ve read any of my blog up until now, you would know I have a problem. I can’t get decent mental health care in the Philippines, at least not that I can afford, and day-by-day my illness is getting worse. I know I need to do something drastic to help myself or else. I am at a point now where I am worried that my illness is bad enough where I may do something to myself that will either land me in the mental ward again or worse, end […]

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13
Aug
2014

Second Attempt: Depression, Anxiety, Psychosis and Robin Williams

by Jason
 438    5

Yesterday I tried to sit and write something, but all that came out was a big pile of shit. I’m going to attempt to write something today, even though I don’t feel any better. In fact. I feel worse. For some reason I have yet to fathom, I experienced a breakdown of epic proportions. The last few days have been a hell of depression, anxiety, voices in my head, racing thoughts and paranoia. I felt so bad yesterday that I don’t think I spent an hour out of bed the […]

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11
Aug
2014

Depression, Anxiety and Psychosis Finally Made Me Crash

by Jason
 488    8

I just woke up from a marathon 14 hour sleep session. I have been pushing myself too hard despite the depression and anxiety. I guess my body finally told me “enough is enough” and shut down. You’d think I should know better by now to take better care of myself when depression and anxiety come calling. Why I Have Been Depressed I don’t know how, when or why it started, but I feel like I have been stuck in a deep well for a long time now. The antidepressants don’t […]

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9
Aug
2014

What is Schizoaffective Disorder Anyway?

by Jason
 964    8

I talk a lot about living with Depressive Type Schizoaffective Disorder, but I don’t think I ever really explained what it is, how it relates to Schizophrenia, what are the symptoms of Schizoaffective Disorder, and how is it treated. Let’s get started. What is Schizoaffective Disorder? If you do a Google search for “What is Schizoaffective Disorder?” you get almost 10 million results, so I will narrow it down for you. One of the more trusted websites out there, Mayoclinic.org, describes Schizoaffective Disorder like this: “Schizoaffective disorder is a condition […]

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